Monday, September 28, 2009

do not kill me

i decided to:
a.not apply for UK universities:p
b.curl my hair soon!!
c.get a puppy!(10 years more!)

i want:
a.to go the the nuffnang regional award thing(any free tickets?)
b.be a happier and more positive person
c.live life for the moment
d.not plan ahead of anything and go with the flow
e.make my life a great one..:)

Rain

hey people,
i know i have abandon this blog and i am somewhat sure that even this post won't be read by anyone but it doesn't matter cause the sole purpose of my blog is suppose to be something i can pen about on my life..well it's ok i understand if you people have given up on waiting for me to update..

well this post is random..maybe out of boredom..Gawd i don't know how much longer i can take this home schooling..hehe..2months to go..
life's been really great in fact..i am becoming more and more positive..i know negative thoughts will kill you..hehe..
well let me get to the point,
it's funny now i think back that when i and meor broke up,i didn't shed a tear at all..after 3 years we went through all sorts of circumstances,i myself couldn't believe it..i felt so numb that moment..
A lot of rumours circulated around about me having Kong as my Bf that time before i broke off with meor..i won't even wanna bother denying cause no 1 will believe me..so as long as me,meor and God knows that's all that matters..

i keep asking myself why didn't i cry on the spot when we broke up?
was it because:
a.i always knew the day will come
b.i had someone else to be there when meor's gone
c.i simply didn't love him anymore
d.was i in denial
e.was i just pretending to be strong

For most people that know me,there see me as a strong willed person..i never liked to be the dumb blonde..i always wanted to be the best in everything..it's funny how we never stop learning from life..
i admit at the age of 18,i only manage to find myself..i was so lost at that time in high school..i was living a life full of hatred and resentment..well i'm glad im a better person Today..:)

well back to the real issue here,i still can't figure out why i didn't cry on the spot..maybe i don't wanna know..well i do believe some things are best left known..i cried after like a month of the break up then i realised i truly have lost him for good..it's funny i think i have a slow or retarded brain that maybe inteprets break up way too slow..haha:)

ok i know you people are definitely wondering why did i decide to bring this up,well the truth is...........
well before i tell,you must promise not to laugh and hate me ok?
i went to view his girlfriend FB page and i can't help envy his new gf..
it's not that i am not happy for him for moving on like i did..it's just i hate the thought that NOW..my Meor..well my past MEOR belongs to someone else..i know i am being so selfish but i can't help but wish that he would be mine forever no matter as what..stupid right?

well,don't get me wrong,i and my BB are still going stronger than ever..it's just that like i said the too much time on my hands is the one..

i aint going to lie..there are times i wish so hard that we had an ugly break up..the type that will make us hate each other to the gut so that we don't have to be friends anymore..sometimes it just hurt so much to be post break up friends..haha..but again everything happens for a reason and im glad that until today we still do keep in touch..haha..well i miss him..if you're reading this..i miss You,Meor!:)

well to Hanan,don't get me wrong ok?i'm just saying all this out so that i can get it out of my system..no harm intended..he's all yours k?:)

to BB,thanks for always being so supportive of me and understanding!love ya!:)

well i gtg for now,
i'll try to be back more often,
with love,
karlisyle

Thursday, September 10, 2009

call it whatever u want

hey people,
finally back with a post with some pictures..
well for starters,
i smeelll that today will be a good day ahead..
haha..like how the girl in mean girls can sense rain coming with her boobs..
i know lame attempt of being funny..hahaha..

well haven't been updating my blog because i find that time is racing against me and nothing much in my life..
well.but emotionally i am a wreck..sometimes i wonder why do i often overthink..why can't i just live life and accept it as it is..

been contemplating alot with myself lately..undecided on whether i should apply to UK universities..half hearted applying..deadline's so near already..some great person in my life told me to just apply for just in case if i don't get into anything else..
well,i doubt that i'll get into the UK universities that i am appyling but then one can hope right?
somehow my heart's set on staying in Malaysia for 3 years but then again i want new experiences..maybe i should just jet off to AUs cause it's definitely cheaper for my parents to care for me..
oh,i forgot to mention..if i get a scholarship only will i be going overseas k?(again one can hope right?)..it's not like suddenly my family hit jackpot and i can simply fly off to the other end of the world for fun to study..

well,the 2nd thing i am effing regretting it now that i chose to add another subject for my Alevel..well another influential person in my life told me that i can do it cause i love home studying and independant..haha..sometimes i wonder whether these people know me better than i know myself..ok..since i amde that decision,i guess i just have to stick to it cause im NO quitter!oops..better nt talk or say too loud..

3rd,my love life is facing a turbulence cause of me..i don't know why i have to be the wet blanket in everything i do..i spoil everything i touch..sometimes i really wish i hadn't jump straight into the relationship with Kong after Meor cause it feels like for 5 years now i haven't been single..i find it suffocating and naseuting to me..sometimes i just wanna run away from reality..but there's 2 of us in the game..if i run,there's bound to be 1 of us left there to hurt or worst both..i wanna stay strong and fight..but i guess im tired..i am so sorry b,I THINK U HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT now..i still Love u so much in ways u can't even imagine..why oh why do i have to be this unappreciative?why do i always take for granted things i have in my life esp the good stuff and people in my life?

i wonder if any of u ever feel this way before..do u ever feel like ur never good enough for anything?well i certainly feel like that now..i beat myself up..it's not like i want to be a perfectionist but i can't help feeling like a sore pathethic loser..i wanna be a better person,girlfriend,daughther,sister,best friend and friend to everyone but everytime it seems like when i try to hardi end up failing miserably..

well before i wrap up,as promise some pictures..(finally!i know:p):

people who never fails to make me happy

psst...not forgetting those of u that have left us to overseas!u guys are an important part in my life too!get ur asses back faster!u know who u are!:)


i just love how make me feel so secure!



reflection of my trueself


p.s despite the emotional vomit i just typed above,i am perfectly fine..i hope..ok i know i will because like some wise person said before:
tough times don't last
but tough people do!
well,hopefully u guys have a good life!:p live a good one cause life's short!enjoy!
luvvv u people..
toodles,
with love,
karlislye lum


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

bopbop

hey people,
i am bit in a good mood..
i don't know why though i had a rather unproductive day and the fact that i am not seeing B tonight but yet i am still bopping my head to jay sean feat lil wayne new single-down..haha..
lame i know..
well life's have been a bitch..trip back to kuantan was rather boring..
i want DRAMAS in my life..gah..boring..

well im glad i got to play at GAMBANG waterpark and SUNWAY lagoon..thanks fellas..u know who you are..:p