Wednesday, July 29, 2009

sweet escape

hey people,
decided to write a whole new post..i really hope that that last post will really be the last of all the pain and emoness in me..
well as i said in the below post,last saturday after dinner,i persuaded my 4other friends and B to drive up to genting cause i need to take a break and KL have been really hot so needed some chilling air..
went up there,reach at 12pm like that..my GOD,all the LALAs were out..as usual all heading to SAFARI..didn't go in because the boys were all wearing shorts..instead we lepak outside of highland hotel..i was the only one damn syok sendiri camwhoring with my 1 bar battery babysony..haha..there was 1 group pic only..

somehow it has been 1 month i kept how i feel about him..i finally told himyesterday night and i hope that things will get better between us..hate to see something so prefect put to waste..:p

and as i was saying at 2am we can back and i slept at 3am..the next day i couldn't breathe..finish 3packets of tissue in an hour..worried people brought me to the doc..he ws almost certain it was H1N1 because i been having it for a week but got worst after the night at genting..kaka but thank God for those sleeping flu drugs he gave me,i feel much better..



me trying to look like an idiot..Kong was on candid though..he didn't want to take pic cause self conscious..

"i'll never forget that public piggyback we had that night.thanks for plastering a smile on my face when i was down"L.o.v.e you


with love,
karlisyle

finally

hey people,
finally am back after a long long break..however i can't promise if this time i'll be back for long..i have loads of things to deal with..if any of you haven't figure out yet,the last post was super emo because i had a huge fight with miss annabeth but everything's fine right now..:p

well nothing much in my life that i am allowed to talk about here..somehow loads of shit happening but somehow i have turn out to be pretty positive..i guess realising i am 19 after all made me more carefree..am proud of myself..i know in life there have to be people like i was before..the one that take all matters into their hands..

warning:this post might offend some parties,i apologise beforehand!it's justthat i want to pen it down for the last time and lock it out of my heart and mind..
last time i use to be so negative about everything..growing up with 3 sisters was hell(so i swore to myself not to get more that 1 girl as my kid!):pi always question why i have to be the one treated with less care and i can remember mum being so controlling towards me..i had my fair share of bad past with her..daddy was always there and he always told me there's a reason for all the sadness..i was always more independant..i learn to do things by myself..i never depended emotionally on anyone..

i know those endless nights of tears i went through last time,i remember swearing to never forgive you..now i know all your intention of you doing that..
you wanted to make out the best of the person i was
you wanted me to succeed
you wanted me to be strong emotionally and mentally

i never understood and till today there are still times i cry thinking why can't i be the apple of your eye..
But don't worry,i am 19 now..
i know if you were given a chance to have it all over again,you would still chose to treat me that way because today because of that;
-i rarely get homesick
-i become so independant
-i try to be the best in anything i do
-i am like you..strong women..

okay enough of the emoness..somehow out of all these negativity,it brought out the positivity of me..
i am done being the one who plans their life..i am going to live life more carefreely and positive..
i feel so happy..

psst.am going out later to try and find some wall deco for my room
ppst2.you will never believe it!last saturday me and my new found friends drove up to genting to runaway from reality though itwas just a shortwhile..seriously genting is damn near so am going there as my sweet escape ocassionally..

with love,
karlisyle lum

Saturday, July 11, 2009

only hope

hey people,
i sense grievances in the air today..or maybe it's just me..
i hate myself so much sometimes for being who i am..
i remember i asked someone this before..
"Do you think i am such a bad person?"
they answered me,"you can't be that bad because the guys that you dated seem to love you very much as they last long with you"
i told myself that was just a white lie told in hope to plaster a smile on my face..

growing up i didn't had that many people i could turn to
besides my boyfriend and kerryn and annabeth,ju vin,okay they were all the people i had to turn to whenever something happen..
i know that sometimes or maybe most of the time i am a pain in the ass and can be a biatch
but i realised this and i swear i have change
in 2007,i managed to make a whole club against me..
in 2008,i only mange to make 1 person hate me so much and that person now became my goodfriend in college..
in 2009,i have yet to make anyone pissed
i know it's hard to believe i change since the words are coming out from someone who is cynical about people being able to change
but believe me,i changed..
Kong sees it,ker sees it even my dad who sees me once in a while said i changed..

i know i used to live in a life full of hatred and jealousy..
i admit that i haven't fully outgrown it but atleast i have improved..
i am much closer to my jie Kirst now
i learn to accept that i am pretty on my own
i am done walking in the shadow of someone who i keep thinking is better than me when i know i too can be that good..

i know maybe people may still talk about me being that girl from highschool
i'll just let them talk because only dumb people will judge others because of what others think..

a very very good friend of mine once told me that although everyone hated me,she still like me cause she believed that i am a good person from her own judgement..
i know i did a mistake there judging him who is someone important in your life just cause people around me were saying not nice things about him..
i apologosed and here i am again apologising..
i know nothing is ever going to be the same again with us but i am willing to take baby steps again..

psst.See ju vin,thank you so much for understanding me as i am going through this difficult phase..

with love,
toodles,
karlisyle lum

Thursday, July 2, 2009

new moon

back again..
just saw the new moon trailer..
GOD,edward is smoking hot..hehe..
hate bella for being able to be so simple yet so hot..
sudden tinge of emoness..
i remember trying to finish readin the four books..
i disliked the 2nd book out of the bunch cause the story mainly focus on bella's and jake's friendship/r/ship..
so i figured there should be less EDWARD which is a big NO-NO..
anyhow i am a die hard fan so i am still going to watch that damn movie..

anyway before i leave.
listen to
blue foundation-eyes on fire
my most favourite soundtrack from the 1st twilight movie..

toodles,
karlisyle

*....*

hey people,
as you can see have been MIA..
loads happen..had fun,had tears..
but i guess watching transformers twice made my week..:p
official announcement:to all u people out there,i am going lesbo just to be with megan Fox!:p
hehe..am so bored with the capital B..so are classes..
new people,new environment,same old boring lectures..
God,i should be studying or sleeping..
the weather is so God damn perfect to snooze but here i am..
studying is not an option for me at this time:p
i miss him..though it's odd for me to say it cause i see him everyday
but i seriously miss him
he have been real busy with his mates the whole week..

the usual:put on weight as i went back to Kuantan..i'm a kg away from being overweight..haha..ok ok i know i exxagerate too much sometimes..
i should just scroll around the webpages until i find something interesting..
God,will i resort to triple x videos out of this boredom?i hope not..
god save me..haha..

with love,
toodles!,
karlisyle lum