Tuesday, April 29, 2008

LIES yet again

yet again...lies...lies...i still remember clearly at the end of standard 4 when karen told me she was leaving for KEDAH...she was the closest friend i had back then since we both were in the last class...i remember we both said that we will stay as close as ever and never forget one another...again lies...at the beggining i struggled so much...i was willing to take desperate measure just to be in contact with her...AT THE BEGGINING!then slowly time tore us apart and we naturally became distant..then another incident...at the end of standard6...the year we all graduated after our UPSR...we cried so much...we exchange promises and vows to remain friends forever!but as most of us were separated into different schools...yet again...we all did not manage to keep in touch...some of us had total lost of contact...another incident...at the end of form5...graduating SPM...we all made promises to hang out and have some outings together...after a while...we all went into our own separate ways...some left to study...as i was one of the last to go further my studies...one by one i watch them leave...each time i have a farewell session with each one of them,i carry a heavy heart to it..we hugged and said the exact words...to keep in touch...but now somehow i can'thelp but feel so distance from them...some i have told em countless times how much i miss them but they never seem to reply me...is it so hard?if u don't miss me...it's okay...don't act all nice to me when you are back in kuantan and all of sudden when you are in KL..u think you are so GREAT...i dn't take no BULLSHIT..



this is why...sadly...since i was standard6,i barely believe in the word forever in friendship...because we humans are like that...we take our words for granted...we always do the other way round...so people this is not a post to condemn you people that are leving me soon or have left me but it is just that i need to express my feelings...i am often dissapointed and thus results in my emo-ness...haish...


to my friends that have left KUANTAN and to my friends that are soon leaving...thank you for the friendship you gave me...if fate is ours,we will meet again in the future!and i miss you guys so much!really!


p.s..i gotta go already...my minxx is here with my breakfast!smiley face nasi lemak...
p.s again:i'm sorry if anyone terasa with this post!

signing off with love,
karlisyle lum

Saturday, April 26, 2008

decided!

after such a long time,i decided...i think i'll be going off to college anyway...initially my plan was to stay f6 because my dear bestfriend was supposingly to stay f6 but sadly...she's leaving for MATRIX...so many people telling me different stories about MATRIXX...*scaring the shit out of me*babi betul those people!anyway i love you,BEFFIE although i don't tell you often enough but i memang sayang you!you are practically like family to me!i heartxx you!so please don't ever forgive me k?


YES,i got a scolarship from ATC...but it only covers my tuition fees which is rm6,500 per semester...so i have like what?three or four semesters so the amount of scholarship i get is rm6500 x3?i have to frigging pay the deposit-rm1070,the exam fees-rm400 per subject and the exam centre fees-rm350...then belum lagi plus my textbooks...so roughly i'll need daddy to pay rm5,000 for me...


the funny thing is...i really wanna study LAW but?i keep thinking what if i scre up and end up being like most lawyers?jobless for one..two:cashless..three:nameless...aargh...of course i'll try to be the best lawyer but looking at it now,i think that there are too many law students...seriously i guess us born in the horse year has no other option beacause it seems that al of us...one too many of us are interested in LAW..*haish*what to do?

so now i really feel like i really wanna be a JOURNALIST!truthfully my passion is write!u know how much i heartxx writting kan?i wanna work for SEVENTEEN magazine as an intern as a beginner then after that start my own publishing magazine company!it seems that most magazines that i read don't offer 100%full satisfaction!parts of each magazine has its own interesting detail so why not if i can put all those details into one mag kan?

but DADDY doesn't think MASS COMm is that GOOD...haish...but anyway i'll do my a-levels first...if i don't enjoy it or did not do well,daddy said he will reconsider me doing MASS COMM



p.s:i am so friggin tired of working already!miss my cyber world time!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

tagged by KERINA...again!!!

[You]

First Name = Karlisyle

Nickname = kar,karl,kalai,curry fish head*so long time ago*,lai lai*hate this one so much!*pinky princess,pinky*minxx nickname to me*(sayang,yang yang,baby sayang)

Name you wish you had=same name but diff spelling*karlisle*i heartxx my name cause it is always a conversation starter!

What do people normally mistake your name as = plenty!karlis,lkalai,karly,karlisi!*aaargh!

Birthday = may 27 1990.

Birthplace = Kuantan baby!born here and grew up here!

Time of Birth = in the morning!9.08am

Single or taken = taken by my min minx!

Zodiac sign = Gemini baby!*old nick at myspace!*





[Your Appearance]

How tall are you = 150cm.

Wish you were taller = sometimes yes or no..i mean i like being petite but sometimes i wish i had model height!

Eye color = dark brown

Eye color you want = blue!

Natural Hair color = dark black!*that is why i have to bleach my hair baru boleh dye!

Current Hair color = brown with bonde highlights!

Short or long hair = long ! still want to grow it longer!

Ever dye your hair a bizarre color = yes!PINK!but it run after a month to red!

Last time you did something dramatic with your hair = i tied a high ponytail by the right side of my ear!

Glasses or contacts = wanna get contacts but i have perfect eye vision!

Do you wear make-up = rarely!*have natural beauty!*kekeke konon*

Ever had hair extensions = nopexx but would love too!

Paint your nails =sometimes!wanna do those flowery kinds soon!





[In the opposite gender]

What color eyes = anything because bila dah cinta,tak kisah punya!

What color hair = it doesn't matter!

Shy or Outgoing = outgoing!cause i find shy people a lil annoying at times!

Looks or personality = must have an equal share of both!

Sexy or Cute = both!but i would prefer handsome macho!

Serious or Fun = both!must know how to be fun and serious at approriate times!

Older or Younger than you = older!!even by moths pun matter to me!







[This or that]

Flowers or Chocolate = chocolate!*can taste the sweetness and it last longer than flowers!

Pepsi or Coke = neither..dislike both!7up and sprite i heartxx!

Relationship or One night stand = relationship of course!sex is only meant to be done with the guy who loves me!

School or Work = hands down SCHOOL!!

Love or Money = I MEAN love 1st then after that must have money fopr me to spend!

Movies or Music = both again.

Country or City = CITY lar but country pun i don't mind!

Sunny or Rainy days = i love 'mendung' days!it depend on my mood!

Friends or Family = family for sure!i treat my goodfriends like family too!







[Have you ever]

Lied = of course and i still always do it!

Stole something = yupxx when i was younger!a mickey ruler!

Smoked = nopexx though i nearly lar once!hate the smell!

Hurt someone close to you = plenty i think!

Broke someone's heart = yupxx and mine got broken at the same time!

Had your heart broken = yes. =(

Wondered what was wrong with you = yes when i start craping hurtful remarks for no reason at all!

Wish you were a prince/princess = yes!have the whole kingdom to myself!

Liked someone who was taken = yupxx!

Shaved your head = never !

Been in love = yes and i am still in love!

Used chopsticks = yeah but the wrong way!

Sang in the mirror to yourself = yes!dance along while singing!*wakakkax*







[Favorites]

Flower = PINK roses. ♥

Candy = all EXCept not for the gummy!

Song = say it again by marie digby!

Scent = DKNY apple and tommy girl

.Colour = PINK,black and WHITE!now really into NEON colours!

Movie = killer, romantic, comedy.

Junk food = everything esp T.G.I fridays!

Website = http://karlisylemania.blogspot.com/

Location = some place that gives me PEACE!whenever i am hold in his arms!

Animal = puppies! !



Ever cried over someone = yes. for many people!one until i lost my voice!*amirul's dad!*='(

Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself = my weight!wanna be thinner!

Do you think you're attractive = when i don't feel bloated AND fat!

If you had to choose a fairytale as your life what would you choose = snow white!that was my nikname when i was younger!

Do you play any sports = i will try any kind of sports asalkan got friends to teman!





The rules:-Link to your tagger and post these rules.

List (8) random facts about yourself and tag (8) people

1) i like to piss off my minxx for no reason.

2) i am a shopaholic!

3) i lam addicted to GOSSIP GIRLS!

.4) i LOVE dressing up!am a FASHIONISTA!

5) i lIKE to cry for no reason sometimes!

6) i am always feeling a weird presence around me!

7) i crap alot and alot!

8) i am so friggin spoilt!have to get everything that i want!





The 8 people I tag:
friends!
friends!
enemies!
enemies!
crushes!
crushes!
good friends!
goodfriends!

two face

i see semua pun blog about not beig themselves lately...so i think i wanted to blog about it...i mean come,on...we all are two face...i dare to say it aloud because the truth is we all are two face...the main reason we are because we are often afraid of being judge by other people or we do not want any bad remarks from people!we often let the inner self of us hide just for the sake of satisfying other people...why are we so afraid?is is so wrong just being ourself?why can't peop[le accept us for us?no matter how bad we are,if they are our true friends they should accept and love us!for better of worse...ask yourself..what is the point of making yourself drown or suffocate just so to let other people have all the fun?is it worth it?every single second you are we them you can't release that TRUE you...don't you think it is MENTAL TORTURING?like when i decided to just be MYSELF...so many turn their backs against me and i immediately became one of the girls that was put through HELL...i mean they are even worst kind of friends...they act all supportive but at the back of me,all those words that almost kill me and tore me down...*i don't want to remember!*so as i was saying i found my true friends through the process...i had some of my friends that backstab me eventually turn their heads to me again!i admit i felt very HURT...DOWN...BROKEN...but eventually i knew none of those frinds who couldn't accept me for who i am don't deserve me...those backstabbings...they hurt the most...they even had a meeting just to talk bad about me...i had my friend MICHELLE ANUSHA who stand up for me...my friend NICOLE who cried when she heard them backbitting me...not even giving me a chance to escape and breathe...after that incident,i naturally distant myself from those fuckers!but you know what?through the experience of exposing my TRUE self...i learnt to be myself even more...the STRONG person inside me..it would have to take them for ever to bring me down..i have never feel so strong and independent!so people...stop apologising for not being yourself lately...so what?every now and then we would like to break out and explore..let it go..doesn't mean just cause you are stuck with that impression of a good girl you have to be afraid to unleash that naughty side of you...every now and then...we just wanna have some FUN right?even if you are often misunderstod as the party girl and a naugty ass,don't be afraid to show people the softer and more tender side of you!it is okay...even if you screw up once or try,pick up the good pieces and be stronger...so i just wanna tell out to you people...love me for who i am...just accept me...for the ugly times when i am not myself and for the pretty times when i am nice...don't judge me just because i am having more fun with life than you are..so just leave it to rest...if you are with me,just sit back and have fun...


p.s:special thanks to friends of mine that has always been so suportive to me all this time!



signing off with love,
karlisyle lum

Monday, April 21, 2008

$$$$$$$$$-less

for the FIRST...*i really mean it!*FIRST!!!!! time in my life i was almost cashless!i only had rm1 in my *COACH* purse*konon-nyer COACH!*as you all know i am working so i been in MEGAMALL for te past week...11hours everyday!so being the NOOBY me at MEGA!I Spend rm150 in a week working there!*wakaka*if you try to calculate rm150 x4 weeks...meaans that whatever i get by the nend of the month will be used up already!so people i got a NEW RESOLUTION and please!pretty please! help me to achieve it!hehe...i will be usin rm20 only a week!here's the list on how i manage to spend rm150


1.dinner(4 days)-rm50
2.tidbits a.k.a junkfood-rm10
3.FAMOUS AMOS-rm30(rm10 minxx paid for me!*
4.glitter for my phone-rm20
5.dress from PUSAKA-rm30
6.FRuits-rm7
7.newspaper-rm2.70


so you do the MATH okay?i only have rm 9 and some cents!but unfortunately i left the other $$ in my other handbag!so i was walking around MEGA with rm1..

p.s thank GOD mummy gave me some cash yesterday nite!


until then,
signing off with love,
karlisyle lum

Saturday, April 19, 2008

look what free time drive me into....




*so sorry that the pictures are not that clear!but the lighting tak sesuai with the reflection of the glitter!

hey people finally for my weekly update!haish..after working there for 4 days,i decided to quit my work but then minxx ask me to sabar!haish!damn sad!so today i officially work for 1week 1 day d!haish...working on weekends are okay but on weekdays?damn sienxx...i grew close to CINDY already after working with her for a week!she and i so damn NGAM!she is going ATC and she's so excited for us to go study together so that we can go shopping at PAVILLION after classes!*wakakaka*okiay i'll let the pictures do the talking to show what i did to kill time while working...*i did a little pimping on my phone and calculator!






Wednesday, April 16, 2008

vice versa

when i was lazing at home,i wanted to work...

now that i am working,i rather laze at home...

though work can be too relaxing at times but i have to stay inside the mall like for 10 hours?

10.30am to 9.30p.m...

you do the math!

but the shop now tak cukup orang so it will be irresponsible of me to just quit like that!

next month form6 starts...

beth and yinn jeng will be quitting so left me,ah mi and bi ling..


how?

three people three shops...

how to go toilet and do my business?

haish...
haish
haish...

should not have work at the first place...now end up regertting ny!

p.s:is anyone good with computer?need help!i want to find out if i can get a scholarship with my 'BEAUTIFUL'*not* results from BAC or KDU!

siapa siap boleh tolong i the please lah k?

signing off with much love,
karlisyle lum

zzzzz

FINALLY!!!!!!I have the chance to actually on9!i been so tired...hahahxx...work is fine-of course...except that i am having lesser and lesser time for myself...especially for tv!but i am now induldging in books...been reading again!*brings out the bookworm in me!*


i am working at LA FERI!a new bag shop in megamall...wanna come see,see lah!wanna come buy,buy lah!hehehxx...unfortunately i might not be workin there next week...might be working at PUSAKA!*sobz sobz*i like working at the bag shop..not forgetting to mention,the mirror that i often can't take my eyes off and the pink shop called MINI next dor are having clearance sale on their acessories!hair scrunchies for rm2.90 and hair clips for rm1.90!how chun can it get kan?the shop is PINK!!!!!!!!!!*aargh i am so jealous right now!*

tonight i can't watch AMERICAN IDOL!*huhux* am so frustrated!today work will be tiring because ah mi(lady boss) and joel(boss) will be going outstation to get new stock!yey new bags coming!so people drop by lah!*hehehxx*


oh ya...i got a call from ATC the other day...i got full 100%tuition fees to study a-levels(pre-law)should i go for it?cindy(clique) also will be going there to study law...she said it's the best for LAW...her uncle did his law degree there too!aaargh..so what do you think?i really want KDU or BAC(brickfields asia college)

they wanted to enrol me for the may intake but since my minxx sacrifice to stay in kuantan with me and go for july intake,why should i waste his effort kan?

until then,
signing off with love,
karlisyle lum!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

people please og please check out my clothingg blog!!!!!!!http://clothingmania.blogspot.com

if you are interested please just drop me an e-mail at karlisyle@hotmail.com or u can just message me at my cbox!


thanks!

finally!

will be starting work tomorrow!today my official last day of FREE-NESS(is there such word?keke)

early in the morning*ok it wasn't that early!*patrick message me and told me that i have been postponed agagin...i supposingly started work a week ago but because CINDY wanted to wotk longer so they postponed me to work till tomorrow!THANK GOD patrick was just too BORED and had nothing better to do he lied!i seriously need to work!get my mind off things*especially about not getting shortlistedc for any scholarships!*and desperately needs ka-ching $$$$$$$ for new clothes and acessories!

so until the next time hopefully when i'm FREE,miss me much aitexx!

signing off with love,
karlisyle lum


p.s...tonight at 6 or 8pm...,make sure to catch american idol gives back!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

1) What is the most important thing in your life?
answered this before...EVERYTHING because i believe that everything even the tinniest thing in my life play its own role...

2) Will you consider a sexual relationship before marriage?
i guess answering no will be a lie because i do believe that if he is the right one then why not but it should be done at an appropriate age lar...

3) Do you smoke?
nopexx...still a virgin at it!hate the SMOKE produce by the SMOKERS but at times i don't hate the SMOKER...get it?hahaha..

4) What is the latest gadget that you own?
erm my baby nokia xpress music ler...but lots more to come...*hopefully*

5) Who did you mostly text yesterday?
erm..a *predictable one*my min minx...but if it was today then it would have been annabeth..

6) How old are you & are you a virgin?
17 going on 18..of course...i am a VIRGIN at many things...*is this why u tagged me,kerina?*

7) What is the last thing that you bought with your own money?
JUNKFOOD i guess...manalar aku tahu..dah lupa lar...every week spend on different stuff...clothes?hahax

8) Chocolate Oreos or Vanilla?
CHOC OREOS...am a huge FAN of chocolate and OREOS...then it wuld be simply HAVEN with both mix!i love mcD oreo mcflurry!i'm LOVIN it!

9) Where do you wish to get married?
ooo..real tough wan...cause it always changes...but i thinki'll choose MALAYSIA...to be more specific KUANTAN because i definitely wanna throw a big WEDDING BASH and have all the people i know at it!if i have loads of $$,then it would be on a ship cruise where my wedding would be held in a week and i'll BELANJA all my friends for the cruise!

10) How old do you think you will be permanently owned by your love?
is this a TRICK question?i don't know...i mean..i guess no one really owns you except yourself kan?i mean i'll be devoted to him and be part of him tapi rasanyer aku own sendiri lar!but if i have to go ahead and answer then i guess by 23?cause then ny we settled down and barulah boleh kahwin!

11) How many kids do you want?
*easy one*2..a perfect pair!a boy then ny a girl...

12) Are you in love?
totally!!!no doubt bout it...never been this in love before!love my min minxx!


13) Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?
yesterday night i had take-out at some hawker store...does that consider?oo no..RESTAURANT?*kar smacks herself all around*erm..NEW HORIZON RESTAURANT..new shop!

14) Name the lastest book that you bought?
i am one who reads but never buys..don't like having the hassle to keep the books after reading...so i either borrow from the library,friends or of course...SISTERS!besides my room has too much JUNK!NO space!

15) What is your full name?
KARLISYLE (originally pronounced as KA-RE-LAI or KARrrrr...LYLE BUT LATER was pronounce as kalai*chuckles*)LUM ERN AI*perfect name that never fails to become a conversation starter*

16) Do you prefer your mother or father?
EASY one...ain't gonna answer it though...those that know me well enough should know!

17) Do you believe in GOD?
i totally BELIEVE in GOD and of course JESUS too...i'm just having a hard time believing in sets of rules teaching me how to live my life..that is RELIGION i'm meaning but still learning to cope!

18) Name a person that you really wish to meet in real life for the first time.
i really can't decide,ehh!tough one...WHY can't it be more than one?i'm gonna just choose one out of the few that is...oh no...i think erm..oh,no...i really can't decide..too hard...it's between micheal scolfield from PRISON BREAK or nathan from HEROES or CHASE from GOSSIP GIRLS!AARGH...don't ever make me anwer this again!

19) Christina or Britney?
back then at the age of 10-13,i would have clearly chose BRITNEY..yeah i liked her and still thinks she's ok..but for now,neither lar!

20) Do you do your own laundry?
RARELY!my mom does it...

21) The most exciting place you want to go?
i guess somewhere where i can just let go and be free and not be judge for my actions...and of course lots of sight-seeing and SHOPPING...when u find that place,let me know!as long as i am with my minxx or good friends there!

22) Hugs or kisses?
not again?why lar this question is always in the tags?ish...

i'm changing the question..

22)single or attached?
for me...attached!i don't know when will i be single again...maybe NEVER?been dating since 14!then jumped to the next r/ship after about 3weeks of single-ness!i ain't complaining but i wouldn't mind being single again for a while!haish but i do appreciate minxx aitexx!don't get me wrong!

adding another question...
23)point out 5 things that made the person that tagged you associated with you.
person that tagged me is:KERINA
1.known her since primaryu school
2.had a misunderstanding with her before
3.classmates with my twin and she was friendly enough to befriend!
4.got closer to her through reading each other blogs
5.a girl who loves to stare and laugh


And you tagged:
-kerryn lum
-aimi nadhira
-ju vin
-annabeth lee
-caroline
-niCole(1ST TIME TAG HER!)
-le-june
-may jean
-matilda
-pao suen(again!hehehx)
-gervenne
-en wei

p.s/it is not compulsory to answer those crappy questions about the xxx aitexx...i think it is one's PRIVATE matter and i don't wish to butt in k?up to your free will k?have fun LAYAN-ING this blog!


signing off with much love and enthuthiasm,
karlisyle lum

self obsessed much?

i know after psoting this blog ,a lot of people will st even more grudges on me but i felt like somebody*that's me*has to say something to clear the air...first of all i wanna apologize if anyone TERASA after reading this post...but then again it is what i have to voice out...i don't want to be further misunderstood...so here goes..*kar takin a deep breath*


camwhoring HAs become an obsession among most of us youngsterrs or some might say HOBBY...i mean come on...don't you people dare tell me that it ain't FUN...i admit that i love posing and taking pictures of myself...i love it even more when i get snapshots of my 'GOOD' sides...so i am PROUD to admit that yes...i love CAMWHORING aNd little has it became one of my favourite things to do during my past time...i mean come on...why bother lying to one self or others?you don't like to feel good bout yourself?you don't like venturing further into seeing what the art of camwhoring can take you?you can lie to me or others but not yourself...don't you ever lie to me that you never once given a SMALL TINY thought about taking upclose pictures of you...because i know that not one of us humans do not like to look good or feel good..there is nothing bimbo OR WRONG ABOUT camwhoring...it is a passion...what's wrong with raking the camera and posing for it every once in a while...it is nothing degarding about it...of course we all have wish that we have goten 5ft8inch of height and 45kilogram of weight to go with that height...i mean who are we kidding right?supermodels even struggle to get that height with that weight to go with..so what is wrong if every now and then we let go and pamper ourself?some of you might think that it should just been kept as a pleasure to oneself but of course instead of good photograph going to waste wy not share it with our friends?besides boasting our self-esteem,we might even get good comments that we help us het a good bost of confidence...of course beng humans..we tend to have our 'ugly days'...those mornings when u wake upu feel bloated and u feel like you just can't get your hair right or you feel so bad bout yourself...so why not let other people help you gain some confidence...a compliment or two won't hurt anyone right?



SELF OBSESSION..in this case maybe one might get to annoying at times...because most of the time it will be about her or him only...but again if one can control herself they is nothing wrong with it...having confidence in her.him self si definitely healthy...so what if we love posting pictures that we look good in?...some of the pictures might even do us better than what we look in reality...so WHAT?are we comitiing a crime?is it a SIN?no!!!if u simply can't stand it then get out of our FACES..it's that simple as ABC...we love ourself a lot that is why sometimes it might lead us to self obsession but they ain't nothing wrong about loving yourself...how can you love other people if you don't love yourself right?



so as for you people who can't stand the side of us CAMWHORERS...i am so sorry but looks like you just have to bare with us..we are just like you once...afraid to be be BOLD...you might think we are some DUMB blondes that only knows how t waste time being self obsessed but NO...we are just humans...we want a little extra attention and we want to feel good bout ourself every now and then...as long as we not posing any offensive pictures of ourself please just don't mind us will ya?



p.s i am definitely not some DUMB BLONDE aitexx...so don't judge me just cause i like doing what i'm doing with my camera!



signing off with love,
karlisyle lum

Monday, April 7, 2008

i miss you...

this blog is especially dedicated to:
my boyfriend,minxx minxx
my best friend,beffie
my abang,amirul
my goodie friends,
-SEE JU VIN
-SELVAN
-LE-JUNE
-CAROLINE
-KERRYN LUM
-MICHELLE ANUSHA
-SARMILA
-THENAMMUTHA
newly found friends
my lost and found friends*especially aimi!*

note to all the people that has been part of my life!this is for you!!!






constantly i am thinking of you...i keep thinking is this the end?what if i will not be able to see you again?i constantly WONDER how different my life would be without you...will everything change?wil i be condemn without you?not being able to be near you again...those times we had are there just meant to be put as memories only?i am so sory if i have wronged you before...thanks for always bringing the best and worst of me...thanks for sharing my tears of joy and sadness all this while..thanks for just being there...having you in my life must have been the greatest gift from GOD...i have turn my back against to some of you before...it was because i was too dumb to have not seen the sincerity and purity u have in your heart for me...i am so sorryi am so sorry if i have victimise you..i am sorry if you had to go through those times of torture with my temper...moving on doesn't mean i am letting go...letting go doesn't mean i am forgetting...i take this opportunity to let you know how did those tiny little thing you had done for me has done a GREAT impact and change in my life...i love you*maybe not in the romantic way but sincerely*i am no longer afraid to voice out...i have not done much for you...take this as a token of thank you for you...thanks for PERFECTTING my life...thanks for the stumbles you made me fall and thanks for the rise you lifted me up when i was down...just BIG thank you for being part of my life...i have come to notice how little one can do to make a big cange...thanks for making life hard and easy!at least i had you there with me...moving on with your life is what you will do next...i just want you to promise me you will never forget me..please..that's all i'm asking...


signing off with love,
karlisyle lum

empty....

i can't help but feel so small..it feels like the world is getting so much bigger for me to handle...i don't wanna face this world alone...i feel so...how can i describe...out of reach...it seems like i can't andle everything at once...my relationship with minxx,friendships and my future...so out of reach...why can't i get a helping hand?maybe it was me who is so blind to have not seen the number of hands that have reach out to help me?or was it that i have been too deaf to not hear the voices of the people that have been screaming for me to reach out to them...or was is me being speechless and dumb in asking for help?i hate losing control of my life..day by day peices of my life seems to fly out the window...is it a sign of letting go?or am i suppose to pick up the pieces bit by bit and fix it again?why am i always put in the position where i have to choose either one?*why oh why*



signing off with love,
karlisyle lum

Friday, April 4, 2008

misunderstood!!!!!*READ IT*you have to!

this blog is posted and dedicated to every single person in the world that knows me or think they know me or wants to know me or soon to know me...
i don't care..i have to reach out and voice out...i can't no longer shut myself and let myself be misunderstood for the rest of my life...so here it goes...when i thought that my life has beyond past the life in sabs that i have vividly love since i am already out of school...but oh ya...i forgot i have a twin sis who is constantly reminding me bout my bad past that i am longing...no more like DYING to put aside forever and vanish it from my memory for the rest of my life...

i admit i was no ANGEL in school...i have gotten myself a number of enemies...i might even have more enemies than friends...but you know what?i admit...i really admit...i put my self esteem at stake just to declare this statement..i was so selfish,jealous,insecure and of course IMMATURE back then in school...i might have been the most FRANK person in SABS...at the beginning i was LOVED by lots of my peeps for always being able to voice out my opinion without doubts...i might even been look up to for being so bold for being FRANK...but then again i guess in reality...no one really llikes to hear what other people thinks about them in a neagtive way...so in turn...i was HATED...i immediately became PROTECTIVE of myself...i didn't get it at the beginning....i didn't know what or who i have wronged...so i thought that i was not FRANK enough...instead of trying to cool off and become more sensitive towards how people feel..i became PLAIN blunt...i started saying mean words or even doing mean words to people in order to protect my feelings...maybe i thought that by hurting other people's feelings i won't be hurt...i had s much fun doing it that i was caught unaware making people feel bad or implementing bad thoughts bout other people became my worst BAD habit..i was no longer FARNK..i became blunt...i simply gave bad comments to people when they ask for my honest opininon...to make a simpler...eg.when one of my friends ask me how do they look in the shirt or today?i'll say erm you look fat!or i'll say you don't look as good as last time.when in actual fact i could have just gave my honest opinion but at the same time thought of their feelings...i could have said that it isn't that suitable or it does not matches on you...do do you get what i am trying to say here?i got OUT OF HAND...

another problem of mine was my TEMPER but eventually at form4..i have learn o lay back a little and not get emotionally upset quickly as last tie..my biggest worst meltdown was during form3...i had a huge big with DAVE...DAVE Is always playful with the teachers in class that i often misinterpret as disrespectful...so i tried to clear the air about how uncomfortable i felt about the way he treats the teachers in class...i took it to the wrong level...i yelled at him and we had a HUGEEEEEEEEE fight...i had a meltdown when he drew a ugly cartoon of me and he made a practical joke about me as u FAT cartoon...(as i have said earlier we were 15...so i guess we were PLAIN IMMATURE!)i couldn't take it...i poured water on his school bag and i threw all his books from my class balcony..i was crying terribly the whole time i was ding it because i never felt so hurt before...we later patch things up but unfortunately some of my friends couldn't lleave it to rest...they just ave to remind me of it every single day...but we both move on with our lives...ilearn how to handle with my stress and temper better he other year...

you wanna know what is the fastest thing that flies in SABS?GOSSIP...so of course...what more i can i expect?surely there were two sides of stories flying around the whole school...one side of course from DAVE and the other side from me...differnt sets of stories..it almost felt like the whole school was divided into half...*politics gesture*so eventualy dave's side had set grudges on me..even as the gossip tame down,people still had in their mind i was the girl with attitude problem...

i admit i miht often mislead all of you into thinking that i have some kind of atitude problem...i am STRONG..in fact oi am really strong*i am not boasting but if u know me and now hat i have been put through and gone through...only GOD knows how i managed to survive and come out of SABS alive*again...on the base i look strong but instead i am as soft as a taufu...i get hurt easily...i am SENSITIVE and i will never take people negative thoughts.again...i am misunderstood...my STRONG ACT is often misinterpreted as ATTITUDE PROBLEM...let me define ATTITUDE PROBLEM to you...

1.talking BIG all the time to your friends
2.Boasting around
3.say one thing and do another
4.bitch/back bite
5.not having the guts to be honest to your friend
6.not being understanding to your friends
7.using your friends
8.complementing he/him when you don't mean it
9.direspecting others
10.judging people before knowing them

i hate people who thinks they know me but they actually don't then they go around telling people i have an ATTITUDE PROBLEM...i don't need any of you to judge me..i admit that i ahve done many wrong things and made wrong decisions in my PAST...some i regret and some i might even be proud of..but again...that was then and this is now...i only utter bitterness when i am insecure..and oh ya this is a A CLEAR!!ONCE AND FOR ALL TO YOU PEOPLE who looks down on me for not getting straight a's...i only got one B and i don't think it is the end of the world for me...so BEAT IT people!!!!!!!my twin sister always thinks that i am being OVER SESITIVE But here is what i am gonna say...it doesn't mean i will not be able to be sucessful in life if i have gotten straight a's in SPM or i am a LOSER or a FAILURE just because i got a B!get it people?so rest your case and worry bout yourself...

to my twin sis...i don't care what those FUCKERS think bout me anymore...that was the old me in the PAST...it is 2008 now and i have changed...if you don't believe in changes then it is your problem...quit judging me my dear sis...it is SUFFOCATING...people think i have an ATTITUDE PROBLEM but it doesn't mean i have one...i know myself best...though we are TWINS i am pretty sure that i know myself better than you do...

i'm so sick of being the bad/evil/mean twin..


TO all of you who thinks you know me*well i am pretty clear that you don't*.doesn't mean just because i am more outspoken about my thoughts make me BAD...doesn't mean i speak my mind out or be truthful or show the worlD who i really am makes me the bad person...at least i am not some kind of two face loser with swithching attitudes!i am just me!let me live in PEACE AND oh ya...let me let go of my past and move on...if you wanna dwell or linger in your past,go ahead..LEAVE me out of it!i am moving on....i am not that IMMATURE person that we once knew together...i am a CHANGE person...only time will tell...then it will be my time to shine...

so until then...please people rest your case..i know i can't help it if you guys are constantly thinking of me and worrying about my "ATTITUDE PROBLEM"...but please people..just LEAVE ME ALONE and i am ok..never been better aitexx!


so put the past in the PAST...let it stay at the place that it belongs!let me just FRIGGING move on k?thanks alot...

i am officially

signing off with love,
karlisyle lum

Thursday, April 3, 2008

lost

this baby blog of mine will not be frequently updated anymore...due to my lost of inspiration in blogging...i will still be ranting once in a while aitexx and of course i'll update on how work will be...so until then,if u need me...just drop off a message in my cbox...


signing off with love,
karlisyle lum

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

why?

why am i always put in the position where i have to decide?i hate deciding...why can't i just have my cake in two?why don't you people understand that deciding is a really big task and challenge for me...i really can't decide...

i cant help wondering what i am destined to be in the future...lawyer?accountant?nutritionist?a rich man's wife?a businesswoman?i am so presured..with all the scholarship applications*which i doubt i'll be one of those LUCKY-DEVILS that will receive it*

i can't help wondering what if....u knw the word what if really can kill one...*oh yeah ask me...an experienced expert*i mean don't lie to yourself...have you never wondered the possibilities of the what if's in life?like what if i was more hardworking back then...*i know we supposed t live life on by focussing on the future but t doesn't hurt right to think of the what if's in my life....

here it goes..this is some of the what if's that has been constantly taunting and haunting me...

WHAT IF i was still with MEOR?
the answer would be we would have eloped in 10 years time to get married!

WHAT IF i was still single?
i would bring out the wild bad ass in me and party like never before and of course will be changing boyfriends like nobody business!*that is if i am actualy capable of getting different guys every week lar!hehehe*chuckles*

WHAT IF i never chose the friends i chose in high school?
i would have became the nerdiest girl in school!i would nt even have what some might say a LIFE!i'll be a social-killer...therefore this is the one WHAT IF i would not one to try..*i truly heartxx my goodfriends that has stood by me through thick and thin*

WHAT IF i met HIM before minxx?
i would have still chose minxx over him...because havin minxx in my life is definitely not a wrong decision...i love him*no one can understand the feelings i have for him...it is beyond all the words in the world that i can't even described it!

WHAT if i have not choose to DIET and live to eat instead f eat to live?
i would have already be the worl FATEST teenager in the world that the GUINESS WORL RECORD would have put a fat bloated me in it...but again i would have the oportunity to eat everything i love..*sue me as i am a SWEETTOOTH*

WHAT IF i have been CHINESE-EDUCATED?
I would have more friends by now as i get look down for my years of ignorance in mandarin...but again i would not have these intersting baby blog of mine to rant about my life!*eleh perasan me...interesting konon*

WHAT IF i have chosen ART STREAM instead of SCIENCE?
i would have gotten better results...it's not cause i thnk arts is easier*like some of you artsist people!*(artsist simply means you guys that look down at arts students!)it's because think ats s more f my thing..*if you guys know hat i mean!*

WHAT IF i decided not to be so frank when i was in high school?
NAH...this would never happen...because it is in me!that's what some of you people love me about...i wouldn't have my collections of enemy ready by now if i decided to change this fact!

WHAT IF iwas the most popular girl in school?*don't lie to me or yourself that you never thought of this in the back of your mind?nt even the slightest?nah..i don't believe you*
i think that in MALAYSIA or maybe just KUANTAN..the term popular only means that you are liked by students bt hated by teachers or vice versa...i am talking bout being popular like those GOSSIP GIRLS and MEAN GIRLS...i will mental torture everyone that bitch bite me!but then again in kuantan there really isn't any obvious gap or difference in popularity!

i would love to rant more on my WHAT IFS but unfortunately..my migrain's killing me...aargh..anyway hope you enjoy this one...

signing off with love,
karlisyle lum