Thursday, January 24, 2008

F.E.E.L.I.N.G.S

IT IS JUST SOMETHIG I HAD SCRIBBLED in my notebook when i was working...



WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL

I AM FEELING SO HELPLESS THESE DAYS

I NEED YOU BACK HERE

IT MAY SEEM LIKE I AM ASKING TO MUCH...

BUT ALL I REALLY WANT IS YOU TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW...

I NEVER KNEW love COULD HURT THIS MUCH..

IF I KNEW

THERE WOULDN'T BE ME AND YOU TODAY

LOVING you was the BEST damn thing that happen to me when i needed something new,fresh...

those COUNTLESS TEARS OF JOY AND LAUGHTER YOU BROGHT INTO MY LIFE..

THOSE ENDLESS CALLS BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP...

THOSE SPEECHLESS moments i have had everytime you hold me tight and let me know how much i meant to you...

when will all those come to REALITY again instead of just being memories that i reminicse about all day long...


the emptiness in my HEART

it DESPERATELY longs for your love and tenderness

the way my Stomach dOES a DOUBLE FLIP when you look into my eyes and say the FOUR letter word that starts with L...

i love you...

this is my confession to you b...

Thursday, January 17, 2008

NEW...as in BRAND new...

i want a new hairstyle...

i want my hair to go blonde and have it damn LAYERED...

i want a NEW pink handphone...

i want the PINK sony camera...


i want the SONY VAIO pink laptop...


or even the pink dell one...


NEW means good right?


i need...NO...more like i am desperate for a MAJOR change and TRANSFORMATION!

now that i have change my clothes style...

i need the whole make over...


i wanna lose 4kg b4 march...


i wanna learn how to make up...


most of all...



I REALLY x100 want minxx to come back here!


2008

i seriously thought that 2008 nwas gonna be better?but why oh why does it have to suck?u know wat?the 1st mistake i did was askin ju vin to stay for APRIL intake...i feel so bad...i'm sorry ju!didn't know every1 will be so caught with work...i'm REALLY REALLY sorry!



since minx left for KHIDMAT NEGARA,this are the following things that change:

1.my relationship with minxx(we fight 2 days once)
2.my mood(i am constantly PMS-in)
3.my certainty(i am now thinking whether he is still the one 4 me)
4.my beliefs(i believe that long distance r/ship might work)
5.my diet(i deprive from rice...am constantly eatin junkfood esp the T.G.I snack from Cold Storage)


i really love him but it's just that is he the one?how will we ever know is the person the one?i am going to visit him in his N.S camp this saturday...Jan 19-our 8 month anniverary!


part of me doesn't want to go because it is hard to part wih him again..and if i go there,he can't teman me much...he is MC-in...out of the odds why must he be the CHOSEN one?


i really don't know what to do...is it worth to fight on in order to keep our relationship survive?i got a pretty SCREWED UP love life...

looking back...last month i was living off a fairytale with my minxx and now everything has CHANGE!



aargh...i hate DECIDING!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

G.O.N.E

PART of me feels like i'm G.O.N.E...


everysince he is G.O.N.E in my life...


i don't have mood to update d cause my life is so BORING...

i live a daily routine workin...


by the way...

u know wat i do at work?


sleep...dream..read MANga COMICS(BECAME MY NEW BF D)...read novels.

u know why?

apparently there is no work for me...

i hope things get better cause cause i'm feeling dragged to work...

hate it..

please give me WORK to do before my own uncle fire me...

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

it's time to change...

2nd day of new year...

started work at my uncle's accounting firm...

i didn't get to do much the whole day so i end up dreamin a lot...

really miss my minxx...

2day was the first day i had to go through without minxx having his hp in N.S...

it suck...

1st JANUARY 2008,9.18p.m-it suck the most..i almost couldn't survive...the stupid n.s people took his hp away!

but i'm tryin to focus on other things now so that i won't have to reminicise about the good n bad times i had with minxx and miss him that much..

hear goes part of my NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS for 2008:

  1. find a FUTURE!(decide on what to study!)
  2. try to have a better realtionship with minxx
  3. go to HOnG KONG disneyland(most impossible)
  4. make at least TEN new friends
  5. keep in touch with my goodie friends
  6. lose WEIGHT!
  7. tone my flabby body
  8. be less bad-tempered
  9. get a new PINK slide handphone,a NEW PINK camera and a PINK LAPTOP and a PINK MICKEYmp3
  10. get CLOSER to GOD!

is it just me or it's them?


who ever said that loving someone so much till you are willing to do anything is sluttish?

do you think that it is such a sin for loving someone ?

do you think it is wrong for missing the one u love who is far apart from you?

all i wanted to do is see him twice a month...

is that so wrong?

why can't my parents be more sporting instead of thinking of breaking both of us apart?

why?

why can't they try to understand me?

why can't they be happy for me like they are always happy for the others?

what did i ever do wrong to deserve it?

what is so wrong about me having a GOOD boyfriend who loves me n cares for me more than he does for himself?

truthfully i been bloggin bout how i feel lately because as all of you know my minx is far away from me...

i have no one to turn to everyday...

because who else on earth will have the patience to hear me cry?

i really hope that my parents will love me equally someday..

that's all i want...

treat me like they treat her...

just treat me n care for me half as much as they care for her...

doesn't mean that she's da first she will always be the best...

i have my own FLAWS and she has her own...

i f i have one FLAW and ten GOODNESS...

but mum will always decide to just look at my ONE miserable pathethic FLAW...

but if she had one GOODNESS and ten FLAWS...

mum will look at her one GOODNESS...

why can't you obey GOD?


he never thought you to love the first or the last the most..

i already gave in since last year and yet i'm still the worst in your eyes...

at least thanks to you for making my life miserable for 17 years..

i have so many other people who truly care for me...

i have JESUS who knows every single tear you made me cry and every single pain you cause in my heart...

i have minxx to give me the love you never gave me...



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