the word that spells R.A.C.I.S.M

I only decided to blog about this because i personally experience it before...

i admit i didn't like goin through it...

i had a MALAY boyfriend last few moths ago...

He was my first ever boyfriend...

i loved him and i still do until today...

everytime i'm out somewhere with him,all eyes were always on us..

when it first started,i enjoyed the attention i was getting but as it got longer,i got ANNOYED!

what is wrong with people this days?

i remembered the look on some of my friends face when i told them i was dating a malay guy..

i was like what is so wrong about it...

they just kept on saying,"u serious ke?"

what is so hard to believe this sentence-'i am dating a MALAY boy!'

i have two friends now who are dating with MALAY guys too...

both of em used to date many CHINESE guys but most of them did not last..

but now with the malay guys,they have been together for almost 5-7 months...

though 5-7 moths might sound like it is just a SHORT period of time but trust me it sn't...

have u ever wondered why sometimes MALAY-CHINESE couples tend to last longer together?

truthfully have u wondered?

ask yourself this...

if u were to have one guy who loves you and respects you,would you let him go?

a big NO for me!

or u would rather have ten guys to like you because he looks good seen together with you and he just acts like he cares for you?

so i seriously don't see the big fuss about dating someone of difference race...

my parents are one of the very 'little' people who i have just described...

they are open about me hanging out with other race people as goodfriends but if i EVER...EVER..cross that line,my butt would be kicked out of the house...

that is why unil today they never knew that i had a MALAY boyfriend...

i asked them before why are they so against difference races being in love..

they said it's because it will embarass the family,lose the family dignity,sell out my family pride,i will go against my own religion...

this is what i have to tell them..

if decided to change my religion,it's not their fault because they have done their job in bringing me up as a CHRISTIAN...

it will be MY very own DECISION if i decide to...

God will not blame them...

however...i am one who can't decide well...

i let go of my 3 years boyfriend-MUHD AMIRUL..

i don't know why i did..

mAybe cause it was just time...

but like what they say 'when one door closes,another opens'

true enough...

i am now livin happily with KONG SZE MIn for the time being...

who knows he might be the one or maybe our time isn't up yet..

i'll just leave it to GOD to decide...

worst day ever

i'm sitting in front of the computer..


i'm in tears..

i miss him..

i wish that i have applied to be with him..

i really miss him...

when will i ever get his soft gentle touch?

when will i ever get his hugs and kisses?

when will i ever get to see his face?

when will i ever get his soft lips again?

his secure hug?

when?

what if everything change after 3 months?

what if we lose the special touch?

what if he loves me less?

i'm scared...

i don't care what my mom says...

i don't care i love him more...

i HEARTXX him...

i never felt this way before...

i really miss him...

i feel like my heart's GONA tear out...

i'm hurtin inside out...

what i been thinking lately...

i reali cant tell anymore...

what is my purpose in life?

i mean come on..people usually say that all of us are born with a purpose right?


i can't figure out mine...

lately i have been really thinking of workin at some place where i can dress up,interact with people,meet lots of new people,i can share my not-so interesting thoughts to people..

truthfully though my word-vocabulary is WEAK and sadly POOR but i'm really interested in JURNALISM...

not those kind os serious JURNALISM but u know those kind where i can share my opinion..share my experience?

like workin for a magazine...

it will definitely be a DREAM come true if i get a chance to work with the SEVENTEEN magazine...

i love exploring new things..

i really don't know what i'm crapping but seriously if i choose to pursue my dreams,i might end up jobless cause in MALAYSIA,mass-com is really a tough INdustry to get a good job...i most likely wil end up with a job with 1000 and below salary...that definitely will not be enough for my monthly expenditure...

on the other hand,the 2nd career that i fantasize before i change my mind to study MEDICS is LAW...

law?


should i?

let's put it this way...

if i have 20 friends in taylors,at least 5 of them are studying...LAW...

AARGH...i got nothing to say...

there's this guy in my school named HARE.he's been dreaming to be a lawyer since the day i know him...but it's ok for him to study it cause his dad n uncle has right connections in that industry..unlike me...but law is yet still my 2nd option...i don't know i guess cause it's a profession where i can atually imagine myself at?


i mean come on...try imagining me to be a NURSE?you don't even wanna go there right?

so now my choices are down to three:

1.pharmacy(my dad is a singse so might not be so hard to get a job)
2.acountancy(i like accounts...i just don't HEARTXX it know?but my uncle is one)
3.depends on scholarshps offers(that is if i actually get one)


i really hope that GOD will tell me soon what is my purpose in life and what i shuld actually study next...

should i or should i not?

i been asking myself over n over again should i or should i not?

been asking myself so frequently till i feel like i almost just wanna kill myself...

should i break up with him?
should i not break up with him?


should i work till may 2008?
should i not?

should i study law?
should i not?

should i get a new pink handphone when i already own one?
should i not?

should i pursue my dreams of being a magazine editor?
should i not?

should i study accountancy like my dad had always wish for me to?
should i not?

should i fight back with my mom?
should i just bear with her?

should i hate my sis for tellin evrything or shoul i not?

the list goes on n on n on....

it can practically take my entire life just listin it..

i HATE my life at this point especially after 10 DAYS OF MY 7 anniversary WITH MY minxx..he'll be leavin 4 the NATIONAL service...

AARGH...why can't i take charge of the events in my life?
why can't i decide and plan everything that happens in my life?

all i want for christmas is HIM!

WHY on earth did he got chosen?

WHY on earth he had to passed the HEALTH test?

WHY oh WHY?

i'm willing to give up all my christmas presents i'm about to get just to get that 3moths to be with him!

i'm GONNA miss him like HELL...

i don't want to lose him...


why do i have to be apart with him when now things only started to get better between us?

WHY lord?

i thought he was the one?

i reali felt it...i really really think that he is the one i want to spend the est of my life with...

i really don't want all this to end...

how am i gonnna survive?

3 FRIGGIN long months of LONELINESS n nights of endless tears...

i LOVE U,KONG SZE Min...

i really hope that after 3 moths,u' will still be waiting for me...

i wish it didn't had to end

the beginning of our GENTING nad KL trip..of course i had to camwhore lar..after the trip surely MUka exhausted punye...dush...lalalalala~
ME IN HOODIES...tryin to look HIPHOP(konon)..i love the way the jumper smeeled...my minxx smell mar...

this was the lok on kong's face when he caught me camwhorin instead of SLEEPIN...
WHEn beffie woke up...heheh...this pic was taken before she found out i took a sleepin pic of her...
KER as usual SMS-IN...i wonder with who...hurmx...wan theng sleepin...so tense wei the way she ZZZzzzZZZ
aku JAHATXX...i sat with my bestie n i bulied her...she tengahtido and i was so bored so i tok a LAME pictures of us..
so lovable n adorable lah both of them...aku jeles...in the bus in the beginning of our trip...happy faces~u can see n tell for yourself...

just had to camwhore with the RETARDED HEART-SHAPED candy floss...minxx bought it...
GROUPIES picture again...this pic ws taken when we were lining up to play FLYING ship...candid by of course the missing guy...
i LOVE this pic though i was not in it..damn ADORABLE...i love the RED phone booth the most...sot sotx pic of them...
OF COURSE...me n my minxx...i wasn't in the gropu pic mar...bluekxx...
inside the CABLE car..could not see all of us cause the cable car was pACKED!

US again!bear with us will ya?
azfar,ju vin,my loukong,me,beth,ker n wan theng..i know it's a SERIOUS ADDICTION of ours cause we just love taking group pictures...
this was how our balcony look at the AWANA GENTING...damn misty or was it azfarxx cigarette smoke?hehe..jokin ny
me n KER having our CAMWHORE session while the rest was on the CYCLON rollercoaster...sue me for being afraid of ROLLER coasters!

the skunk that all of us could not help but adore...it was so cute...it should be freed!so kesian to see it cage up...
MORNing mist at GENTING...i love NATURE...don't you?
me tengah kacau KIRST...this pic was CANDID by none other then my loyal photographer..min minxx
the SHUTTLE BUS stand...this is the place where u will find us to be every morning when we were at GENTING...free SHUTTLE bus mar to GENting...dush...
da SUPER PRETTY CHRISTMAS deco at AWANA GENTING...i love it...

DA couple camwhore session...(up:azfar n ju,down:me n min minx)

just me n minxx...duh of course i had to camwhore with him..he look HAWT huh?
just had to upload this adorable picture of my minx...he's so cute!i HEARTXX him...

AZFARXX n ju vinxx KIWI ICE KIMO....yummy..i want one kiwi lah ju!
my HALF EATEN MANGO ICE KIMO!(i heartxx it so much...still can taste it now in my mouth)
the soup that came along with the menu set that minxx ordered...the red brownish one is like tomato taste..da white one is obviously cream soup...

beth with her setia PJ gang boys...they came all the way just to meet up with her..awww..so sweet
i heard that KL got some contest between the malls for Xmas deco so i DEFINITELY vote this mall!SUNGAI WANG..so fairytale like...wanted to camwhore in the middle of the circle but it was not allowed...aaargh...
after makan,we went down and we had to take pic lar..for memory purposes..
PORK CHOP cheeese baked rice...one of KIM GARY's FAMOUS serving...u must try especially if u think pizza rocks!



BACK IN THE HOTEL

JU vin was trying to hide from the camera cause her hair was wet...she was busy thinking of azfar..
OUR Very own CASINO...i look like the JUON ghost huh?every nite surely have to play cards...CHOR DAI ti...erm what so ever..it was fun n harmless...no cash was involved though

kirst or better known as the'TAI KAR jie' was finishing up her assignment...she had to go to class the next morning mar...

GROPU PIC..i'm relly missing all the fun we had by just looking at this pic cause we all went bizzared on the last day...(kaki sakit mar)

WE WENT To PAVILLION to kill time b4 our 6pm bus...da CHRISTMAS tree was so CYSTAL-ish..they actually had those (erm what do they cal those lights ar?)those huge lights that they usually ave in the middle of the ballroom?ya..that was those lights hung around the whole tree...kinda CLASSY...nice...
back at the HOTEL in k.l ,beth eating da NATA DE COCO jelly which was yummy...YUMYUM..

~monkey face~
azfar as usual wanna steal the limelight..ker showin some sisterly LO.V.E..wan theng n beth was like "ok,RANDOM-nyer"..me lonely without my minxx

was sad to leave bt we still manage to pose in the bus b4 it started to head home




this blog consisit of lots of pictures only...i mean...all my bogs. guess i believe that pictures tell a million stories...i really going to miss those good times...i wish it did not have to end cause i really enjoyed myself..i gt closer to my BESTIE...oh ya n i can't stop looking at our photo stickers...i don't want to sound so lame or childish but i really hope that all of us will always remain friends!

the two diffrent face of our very own TELUK CHEMPEDAK

this is how it lookx like when our feet unite
when ker,shik mei n ker was busy tryin to be da kuantan idolx judges we were busy camwhorin n formin our...(see below)

not the typical STAR shape u see...afzarxx own design...v aint no copycatxx...cute rite our UNITY BAND...i'm gonna miss all of em...(me,beth,ju vin,minx n azfarxx unite)

annabeth buli me!but she blame me..azfar n ju vin tengah bertikai kat mana da camera

my feet looks so friggin retarded rite?but i luv d way my hair look
u be the judge..who looks da emo-est?

ju vinxx,beth(jadi pihak ketiga),azfarxx,minxx,.e(grabbin minxx)...kerxx..shik mei n selvan
i love this groupiexx picxx tho...all pun masing-masing do own stuff..
bethxx thinkin of what to do after this n azfar emo-in y ju sit so far...i huggin my minxx..
da soon to be not so top modelx of KUANTAN
PROMOTING mcDONALDS...but actually waitin 4 sum rich cute guy v a chun car to drive thru

i'm such a BAD influence...he pun jadi cute poser d
they all jahatxx..memang pakat to do CUTE POSER d then they all FFK!
ME N BETH SIENXX JOR KENA PERMAN...WAN THENG seorang sesatx at T.C AT nite...SELVAN N SHIK MEI WAS THERE WITH US
AZFAR with his snake imitation...can u spot the snake?

the last PRS AJK perjumpaan...too bad LUM n LISA could not join us...when lookin at this picture,i am suddenly filled with the feeling of NOSTALGIA..i mean come on this might be the last time i actually see any of them again...itxx like 1 year together in da PRS,we grew to be a family even though we fought lots too...aihxx..this should be the last PRS familia picture i'll ever get to snap...in case i forget their names in da future let me keep in mind their namex in my blog:(from left to right)me,beth,jia li n wei lynn...d top row:wan theng n ker